The urge to respond

Very often when I hear something insightful I think "oh, I should send this to _____, this would help them" Only recently have I become aware that the something insightful might be coming to me because I need it, even when I think my only job is to spread the good word. I have had several boyfriends with whom I've done this with no success. People generally don't want to be fixed. It starts when we're two and begin saying things like "I can do it MYSELF" The other day when I read your entry about having no dating prospects and all the anxieties that surround that I wanted so badly to write to you and tell you about how best to solve that problem, but I resisted. Instead I spent the next couple days thinking about what reading your experience meant to me. For one thing it gave me permission to write down my anxieties that lurk. Reading what you'd written also showed me what we do to ourselves when we let try to live in thought without action. It's so easy for me to control all the parts of an experience when I am in charge of manipulating all the parts- even if it's a miserable little scenario I've cooked up at least I'm in control and nothing has really happened? I retreat to my dark cave. I can't say this isn't a necessary step, and even good in cycles, because I always get sick of the pretending at some point and step back into participating actively in my life again. And almost every time I snap out of it with new insights. I wanted so badly to tell you that what you're feeling only exists in your head and to tell you all of the amazing qualities that I see in you, all of which prove without a doubt that you are bound for an immensely fulfilling life in all its aspects (especially in relationships, you gorgeous girl you) but something told me to resist. You can do it for yourself. I think affirming that for you is probably one of the best gifts I can give- I believe in you. Incidently, this probably would have been way more effective with my many boyfriends as well. I don't have to fix people, I have to see them as whole. Including myself.