i was hoping to get up early and meditate, but sleep won. when sleep wins, you know you don't have a choice, but i thought i could dash off a couple of thoughts before work.

what is going on in me is so interesting right now. i'm obviously under a lot of stress due to starting a new job which i was not qualified for when i was hired and now am oddly expected to know how to do (although i do think i will be a very good grants writer because a grant is organized like how my brain likes to travel). i almost reached a break-down moment yesterday when they told me i would have to give up my office a few days a week so they could do some testing with the kids. the result is that i threw a fit, said something slightly offensive to my boss, we both got upset with each other, he pulled a few strings and got me a new, quieter office (with a window!), and i felt more comfortable around him...

anyway, that is not the most interesting part. ever since leaving my other job last week, i've been noticing that a lot of negativity is coming up in me...about myself, my mom, molly, working. it's difficult because the emotion is so strong, but the amazing part is that i have never felt so detached from it. i have this strong inner knowing that it's moving through me, and not me, and i am not compounding it by wrestling over it or feeling guilty. my face has been really, really broken out too (have you ever heard of the louise hay theory that zits are unexpressed anger coming up?), and i feel almost giddy about it...like, let's get this shit up and out. when i wake up in the morning, i feel clean.

it's a slight shift in perception, but it's powerful and like everything, i don't know where it is going but it's so pleasant to see a change. i really do think that this blog, having a place to tell the truth, has been very important in my fun-loving, truth-seeking, moving away from repression to a new model journey.

have a open day!