the friend

Sexuality is something I feel squeemish about. I don't know how to do it, how to behave or feel sexy. I know I've said this before, but I've always seen myself as "the friend". I think I took it on in middle school when I had a crush on Harry Whitmore and he decided to confide in me that he had a crush on Nicole Nechtow and would I give him some advice on how to ask her out? It was so Teen Witch. Top that, stop that.
I can see snakes representing sexuality and femininity, and my fear of its unpredictability. Snakes can make sudden moves and they're hard to read, I think that's part of what freaks me out. I still have no idea what it means, what my answer is. This morning I pulled a Sacred Spirit card, mine centered on asking the big questions of yourself. The Bear spirit accompanies this card which gives courage to the one seeking answers. The courage to look within for big answers...sounds like a running leap to me.
On another note, I feel as though I am running on empty at school. I have so little motivation, none of the lessons interest me. It could certainly be that I'm hormonal and that the kids are noticeably ready to be done with school and that lots of little end-of-the-year wrap-up stuff is beginning to circulate plus an all-school art show, but I can't maintain this feeling of dragging myself through the day for four more weeks of school. I'll go nuts. Must...finish...strong.