Patterns

Yesterday was a crabby sort of day for me, peppered with candy. It started out rocky with two classes of Kindergarteners who were really done with school, just totally checked out. The rest of the day really wasn't too bad, just little things irritating me (repetitive noises, a certain perfume....) By the end of the day I really was feeling OK, plus Priscilla and Kyle were on their way up from Chicago. I was going to finish up some lesson planning and head home with enough time to clean the house a little. Then Tim's Mom came to find me. Tim's Mom is Bi-Polar, and I learned later that she was probably in a manic cycle when she came to "speak" with me. Tim had just been in my last 4th grade class and she dragged him down to apologize to me for his behavior in class. It's such a long and involved story, not at all worth repeating but in a nutshell she spewed rotten amped-up energy at me, in a stairwell, with girlscouts walking by, while I attempted to apply my best "I hear you" and "I understand that you" statements. I finally said I'm not going to continue this conversation with you here, but I would be happy to take it to the principal's office. She told me she'd speak to the principal without me and stormed off. The whole time I was trying to get myself to step back from the situation and let it happen, but I still left the experience feeling shaky all over. I felt like crying, but I think it was just because of the energy in my system. I didn't feel any guilt about the situation, I didn't take on any of what she was accusing.
It's so interesting that this should come up just as I'd been thinking about my Dad and his temper. It was the same kind of wild, baseless shouting. I think one of the best things my Mom taught me was that I didn't have to accept being talked to that way, that I should be able to talk to my Dad, to anyone I love about they way they treat me. And I did. I think the subtle difference that made was an awareness in me is that I am still who I am no matter what gets thrown at me, that just because someone calls me a name doesn't make that my name. I think yesterday was one more reflection on what I really believe, about myself, about the job I'm doing as a teacher, and building my confidence and self-trust is like a daily vitamin.
Speaking of vitamins, I started taking pre-natal vitamins. Again.