I called Jim from work today and told him what happened. It was just a short phone call, I just wanted to say out loud to someone what had happened before the shock wore off and my ego put its spin on it. (Now I feel drenched in that shit.)
When he got home he sad he'd bee thinking about the comment box at work since he'd talked to me. They used to have a comment box at work, where people could leave anonymous notes about whatever. These notes would then be read and shared at the monthly department meeting by Jim's boss. I guess people had been too negative and disrespectful with their comments so Jim's boss took the box away. No more anonymous comments. Jim felt cheated out of his opportunity to one day leave a disgruntled comment in the box. He felt like, some day, he may have a comment that would be perfect for the box but now it will have nowhere to go. He also thought, how stupid to ask people to share their thoughts and then take the chance away when the thoughts shared aren't nice?
When I got home I started looking for ceramics lessons. I was thinking of coil pots, but it seems like it's been done. And then I realize that this is the kind of thinking that got me into this spot in the first place. I may have seen lots of coil pots, many people all over the world have made coil pots, but this class of fifth graders hasn't.
I have spent most of this year grossly overthinking and severely undertrusting. I am still willing to let go of any guilt and to redirect that energy into something positive. I will work towards balance, peppered with self-love.
Goodnight.
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