SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Most astronomers are irrationally
prejudiced against us astrologers. They typically deride our ancient art
without ever having read any of the masters whose work articulates the
core principles of astrology. It's the equivalent of speaking about the
theory of relativity without ever having studied Einstein. Despite their
disdain, I don't hate them back. On the contrary, I celebrate their efforts
to understand the universe, and I make abundant use of the information
they've gleaned. Be like me in the coming week, Sagittarius. Appreciate
those who don't appreciate you, especially if they are doing good work
that can benefit you and others.
***
i partied way too hard last night, which is starting to become a reoccuring theme for my saturday and sunday mornings.
long story short: i danced, i drank tequila, i danced more, i made eyes with a cute boy, i drank more, he walked me home, i invited him up to my room, we made out--stopped short of sleeping together--and in the morning we made awkward conversation and then he left.
i don't feel good about it. he was an asshole which i didn't realize because we spent most of the evening dancing instead of talking. he made fun of the self-help books on my bookshelf and interest in meditation. i felt insecure about my body in a way that i haven't in a while. he made me feel like a depthless cliched old hag. being emotional and hungover doesn't help that.
i think i just wanted to get some, even though there wasn't a moment that he was in my bed that i actually felt turned out.
this was actually a pattern in college of drinking dancing making out feeling bad in the morning. i have so much sexiness in me the night of, but in the morning it's like the spell breaks and i can't figure out why i started the whole thing. i want to relax and be myself, but i can't.
why couldn't i have just left it at dancing? how does one thing lead to another?
it was only after remembering my horoscope for the week that i felt a little better...maybe having to stand up for myself to someone who is making fun of me when i'm naked (esp when it's the first time i've been naked with someone in a very long time) is just what i need to do, as painful as it is. i keep thinking about something that eckhart tolle said about the more unacceptable a situation is, the greater the power is when you find acceptance.
it still hurts. i still feel embarassed and ashamed for not standing up for myself, for taking someone home that i don't know, for not honoring myself.
the lesson is here though...i'm considering some options of how i can choose to think about this, if there space for change here. i have a greasy brunch set up with my best friend emily and brother. i'm making slow movements to get my day together. yoga later might be in order.
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