haha, jealousy. it's a hard one. i wish more people would talk about feeling jealous, so we could take the shame out of it. i don't feel jealous around many people, but man, i have struggled with molly and how easy it is for her to make friends, have people like her immediately, find really great boys to be with....basically things that take me a little more time. in places where i am guarded, she is open. being around her makes me feel uptight, but then she is always late, always forgets to pay me back, leaves me hanging sometimes on important stuff. she's been traveling a lot which means i get comfortable not having her in my life and then she comes back for a few days and it's like, wham, all of the emotion comes flooding back. and her boyfriend and i, even though i do think we like each other, have a weird jealousy thing. i very much love molly and in our first two years of friendship i never could have envisioned feeling this way, but sometimes i think that the jealousy is the product of the love. these are feelings that are already inside us and it's only when we love and trust the other person that it's safe to really feel them. it's good to just talk about it and explore it, so hopefully molly and i can find balance again in our friendship...but i just think life is long and that it's okay to go through phases with our most important relationships.

i went to rod's house last night. thai food and looking at each other's artwork and then making out while eating cherries on his couch. i was worried about not feeling sexual chemistry with him, but it was difficult to pull ourselves away to say goodnight. when he drove me home he got out to give me a big hug before i walked in the door. i keep thinking to myself that he's such a catch and smiling at the phrase. i don't feel 100% connection with him but i really enjoy hanging out with him for a couple of nights a week and we'll see. definitely excited by the possibility of sex with somebody i trust, because it's been too long.

my first free saturday in a while. my ideas:

taking a walk on rock creek parkway
checking out the library
going to old town for a yoga class and antique shopping
going over to the portrait museum in chinatown
calling to see if ann wants to go find virginia/md thriftstores
cleaning my whole house (what i really should do)


congratulations on finishing the school year!!!